I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
