My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
