probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
