I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
