shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
