you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
