good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
