Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
only if we run a train.
done.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
