Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
