"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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