Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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