i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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