I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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