you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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