She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
