we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
