he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
