I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
