I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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