It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
