I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
