Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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