My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
either way he was missing a nipple.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
