isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
