i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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