To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
