Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
