I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
