Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
