So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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