Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
