It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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