Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
