Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
