I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
