new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
