they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
