Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
