i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
