If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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