The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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