haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
