Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
