I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
