Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
