I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
