i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
