He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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