The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
