Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
