I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
