I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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