i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
