The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
