fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate all girls vehemently.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
